and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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