I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
