why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
