have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
