i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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