My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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