Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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