If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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