im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
