Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
