Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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