I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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