I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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