mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
