I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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