What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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