): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
