I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
