We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
