i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
