ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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