His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
