i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
