the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
