im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
