dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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