Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You were trust falling into bushes
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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