I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
