he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
