i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Randomize
