We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You took a bar mat shot.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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