final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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