If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
