So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
