We're facebook friends in real life
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
