i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
