your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
