I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
