Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
