I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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