yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
