Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
