So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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