I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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