Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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