haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize