Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
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I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
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Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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