Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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