I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
