i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
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