Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
