If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
