To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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