Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
