ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
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if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
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had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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