I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
