i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
