covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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