I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
