please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
