Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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