I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rumble strips road head = magical
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize